Wednesday, 2nd December

Just arrived home from a very short trip to Terrigal with the boys for schoolies. Left on Sunday afternoon and arrived home on Tuesday night. We were planning on staying till Thursday but apparently my mates get home/girlfriend sick over the space of one day. The trip was alright. Met up with friends, chilled, drank, smoked, crashed at a motel. Im home now and things are pretty usual, parents just chilling, brothers and sisters out at friends/girlfriends houses and a lot of food in the cupboard. So i just grabbed some food and made my way upstairs to watch some Seinfeld :) just had a layed back night, whilst unwinding. Schools finished, 12 years of my life working towards this and now its gone, schoolies is over. Everythings finito. Time to get a job, earn money and make a living.

Me and my baby girl :)

Friday 27th, November

Today was interesting. I actually sat down and had a conversation with my little brother and sister and it just made me laugh to myself :) they are so grown up, and i could recognize little traits of myself in both of them, it actually made me proud. There growing up to be interesting characters hehe. Well that was the highlight of my day, quite a release from the past couple of days ive been having. I haven't been well, i feel sick on the outside, sick on the inside and everything hurts from day to day. Its unusual, ive always been a happy person. Ive just been emotionally drained lately. It hard to find the right words to express how im feeling without sounding like i want attention so i wont go on much. I just cant tell whats real anymore. I have never felt like this before, every day goes by and i feel drained like someone has me by the neck. Every time i try to pull myself together something drags me straight back down. i honestly do not know what to do anymore. Its not fair.

I have a gig this weekend and i cant wait then straight after i have schoolies for the week! im so excited, just to break free , be somewhere out of Sydney and just have some fun. Although i feel terrible that i have to miss my girlfriend Rebekahs Dance Concert :( I know it means alot to her and i have been looking forward to seeing my baby girl dance for so long! Ahh i feel like ive let her down :( i will make it upto her :)

So this is my first blog in a while and im going to try my best to keep on top and write every day. For now, im going to try and get some sleep, its 2am and im pretty exhausted.

x

Saturday 26th, September

Today was pretty swell. Woke up, went to school, bludged and came home excited that is was the weekend, well obviousley :P I found out not long after i got home that mates of my brothers were coming over for the footy, parra vs eels, so i decided to bring a few. I coulda sworn 50 people showed up haha. Food was good, we chilled and footy was pretty intense. Parra won of course, the game started off slow but finished crazy! During this time i downloaded and encoded district 9 cause unfortunately windows media player or any other so called media player could not play this video, so here we go.. sacrificed computer speed for a day :( Tomorrow i have a big day, i have to get up at 10, shower, eat and drive to Concord with my Dad to see Rebekah, its at least 30-45 minutes drive so it will give me some hours on my driving record. So im pretty much planning on getting there at about 11:30. Haven't spent time with her 1 on 1 in a while so im pretty excited to see her and her family and just catch up to everything on her end. So tomorrows going to be a good day :) My taste for house/electro music is dominating at the moment and to be completely honest i am drawing MAJORITY of my influences from it, kinda odd considering im in a heavy band :P So as a whole, things are going pretty great and im only hoping they stay this way! Oh and schools finishing next Wednesday! Thank God, i have no idea what the future holds for me but im motivated to find out!

For the record, for those who may or have been reading. i dont expect anyone to read this. I write this blog to get things off my chest and considering i use the computer 24/7 i figured i could use this as a diary sort of thing.

xo

BLONDE!

Disconnections

I wrote these lyrics a while ago when things weren't great, not finished but still in the process.

Inject me with the right directions towards the light
In misery I feed from the deprivation deep inside of me
I have come to realise that gods don’t have voices but people have choices
on account of this current state of mind, set with foundations of failure
i am breaking, struggling to find some stable ground
in despair, oceans rise and claim my will to survive

i have been treading water for many years, trying to keep my head up above the tides
trying to keep myself from falling under and I’m up to my neck in all this reputation
This bleak September has seen the last of me
why do people suddenly become so incomplete, its all too much to comprehend.

the view from the heavens doesn’t make it seem so complicated
am i meant to break, was i meant to break
well I’m breaking and it feels half right.
please send me on the path towards the light
if i needed anything from you,
it would be the guidance in the right directions, for my family

i hear the angels cast my name into the shadows and as i sing
the hand of death grasps me as fate welcomes my return,
in different worlds we reunite, I will return to you
i have torn myself apart and separated myself from you.
im alone i am ruined, please god release me..

Yr 12 Performance Night

Shredding out on my brothers
ugly guitar XD

Friday 11th, September

Today was a very typical day. Woke up, dressed myself, did my hair, washed my face etc etc. By the time i arrived at school it was around 8:30 so i practically just walked straight into welfare(roll call). My days at school seem more pointless by the second, classes are finished, we just sit and do nothing and teachers are still sarcastic pricks. I was held back after school for detention because i tore up a letter and turned it into a pick, so as i could play guitar and no one had a pick on them. Quite a pathetic excuse for a detention but what can i say, its Bossley Park high. I had music performance night tonight, where we perform our songs in front of parents and staff of the school, it was horrible. The song choice of mine was not wise in the slightest, a reasonably heavy song with a three piece band. To be completely honest, it was embarrassing. Performing tonight for me turned out to be a social event, as any other school activity and in saying this, i came to realize that my effortless attempt towards my HSC was becoming more and more evident. Quite ashamed and embarrassed i left the building, got in Tates car and we drove to McDonalds. Crispy chicken deluxe meals after a night like this was heaven, it could have been a drug, i swear!

Once i arrived home, my usual "winding down" routine took place. Getting into my pajamas, laying in bed and browsing pointlessly on the internet whilst listening to music. A significant and rather positive conversation took place between my friend Rebekah. We started talking and ended up having a long DnM which was quite a relief and also a bloody interesting conversation. Not going into specific detail as to what was said, but i think in saying she is an amazing girl, pretty much sums it up. Rebekah has always been a rather close friend not always as close as certain times in our relationship but she has always been somewhere in there and i like holding her close to me. Tomorrow my band is playing at AIPA, hopefully this should be an exciting and eventful night and i am pumped, bitch!

xo

Hype Central! Good Show!

Yours truly at Hype Central, September
4th, 2009.

Wednesday 9th, September

I havent written on my page for a while now, to be completely honest i totally forgot i had a blog:S
Anyhooo, lately things have been pretty decent. My band played a solid show last friday, was more then satisfied with my performance, let alone the bands. Sub drops were good, we were tight and people got into it! About time! Well that was the highlight of my week. My parents have been away on a cruise for a while, one of the p and o cruises ( pacific dawn i think) and responsibilities of the house were left we me and my brother. To be completely honest, we abused it and went out as much as we could and had people over as often as we could, it was fun! That chapter of my life has come to an end as my mother and father arrive home from their cruise at 7 o clock this morning. I am so happy there home, of course it was all fun and free when they were gone, but i honestly missed them like crazy! Im just curious to see their reaction on what i had done to my hair:O yes, after many days of serious contemplation i decided to go forward and go blonde! Its honestly not as bad as it sounds! it really suits me and i am more then happy with the result! On the downside it cost me 1oo dollars! all up including a cut. I guess its not too bad.

As of recent, i have acquired a a sickening hate for many people around me. I have had a massive epiphany in regards to the many fakes, low life and pathetic people this world possesses. Certain people disgust me in who they are, who they fall for and who they pretend to be. Out of all honesty, i have no business in any of there life situations, but i have most certainly acknowledged there actions and have learnt to be true to myself in the way i act and to the people who deserve conversation. There are many good people out there, it just takes a blind eye to see them.

I recently found this photo from a while ago. I really like it:)
Still contemplating whether or not to go blonde again:S

Tuesday 18th August

Still failing to find interest or motivation in anything. After 3:00pm, i went straight to my music room and screamed about 4 sets of songs, after eating and watching from dusk till dawn, which didnt go down to well:S Ive lately noticed that screaming and singing whilst in a frustrated or depressed state no longer relieves me temporarily of the pain but contributes to it. I am left feeling like utter shit, my throat stinging from the ridiculous failed attempt of releasing stress and dissapointed in myself. I am fed up with everything! fucking sick and tired of feeling like this and not knowing why. I sat down and watched tv whilst msging a friend and eating an afternoon snack. I then decided to structure the lyrics i wrote to my next song, and put them to the song. Our next song is amazing, its heavy as anything, has sub drops, melodic lines and lyrics pretty much sum up my current feelings towards myself and my state of mind. Nothing this scene has ever fucking seen. Lyrics are on a more personal level, compared to our previous material which fed off the stereotypical subject of gore. Im over it! over music that sounds like absolute crap and means absolutely nothing. On the slightly brightER side, we got a gig on the 3rd of September at hype. We need a good crowd, but were NOT going to get one. I am laying here late at night knowing another night of restless sleep and discomfort is ahead. Fuck my life. Just another factor contributing to my current state of mind. Angry, stressed, depressed.

August 12, 2009

It is August 12th and i am sitting here on a green, spinning, round couch upstairs(as usual) on my computer after quite a boring day. The day started off slow, waking up to see it was time for metal and engineering exam which i had no interest in, or any intentions to do well in. So, i didnt press snooze, i just slept, put my head down and fell back to sleep. I missed the exam and woke up at 1:30 feeling no better then when i put my head down at 12 the previous night. I was stuffed, not hungry and had a disgusting feeling in my stomach. I contemplated whether or not it was my life or my oversleeping which should be held responsible. I bummed and droned around all day, played guitar for a bit, screamed for a bit and sat on my ass for remainder of the day looking at facebook, waiting for no one in particular to write something half interesting. Evening arose, and Andrew wanted to go for a cigarette, he got his p's not long ago so he could pretty much just drive here, and he did. We drove to marconi carpark and had a few ciggies talking about random shit and decided to drive around for a while looking for Tate and Lagudi. We got in and left, after 10 mins of looking and trying to get in touch, we couldnt find them so we drove to the servo to see Piercy and Khyll. We arrived, spoke for abit, drank some hot chocolate and got bored and drove home. I got home and went straight to my room and screamed some All Shall Perish and some Rose Funeral, felt no better or worse. Just in a continual drone of disappointment and misery. That brings me to were i am now, back on the green, spinning couch upstairs with no motivation to do anything.

Thought I should show ya'll who i am XD

First Post

Hello hello, its my first post here on blogger and i have no idea how to use it yet lol. Ill latch on pretty quickly. Well to get started im Nelson Faul, im 17, im in a little local band called Silence The End and music is my life. I go to school at Bossley Park High in Fairfield area, its not too bad although the teachers are on my back quite a lot lol. They haven't gotten the best of me yet :P. Well as i just established i am in high school and quite frankly im stressed as hell :S ive got 3 majors due, art, music and multimedia. I have put most of my time and effort into my art which i will upload once its finished, im quite proud of it :) I decided to do t-shirt designs etc.. its turning out well although time is the enemy! and its catching up to me. Well today was my first day of trials, i had English. Two, two hour exams with an hour break in between and started at 9am sharp which meant i had to be there at 8:40 :( i got to school in the nick of time and was actually relieved, the exam wasn't exactly that hard! I hadn't studied prior :S which was a major downer on my behalf and that soon showed when i opened my second paper at 12:40. I got out at 2:50 and Tate gave me a lift home in his charade :P Upon arrival i realized the post came and it was my brother Mathews new guitar, it is beautiful! and the sound is unbelievably heavy, the way i like it. Cant wait to hear it at next band practice:) My day winded down to the idea of making a blogger which i am currently still figuring out.

xo