Wednesday, 2nd December

Just arrived home from a very short trip to Terrigal with the boys for schoolies. Left on Sunday afternoon and arrived home on Tuesday night. We were planning on staying till Thursday but apparently my mates get home/girlfriend sick over the space of one day. The trip was alright. Met up with friends, chilled, drank, smoked, crashed at a motel. Im home now and things are pretty usual, parents just chilling, brothers and sisters out at friends/girlfriends houses and a lot of food in the cupboard. So i just grabbed some food and made my way upstairs to watch some Seinfeld :) just had a layed back night, whilst unwinding. Schools finished, 12 years of my life working towards this and now its gone, schoolies is over. Everythings finito. Time to get a job, earn money and make a living.

Me and my baby girl :)

Friday 27th, November

Today was interesting. I actually sat down and had a conversation with my little brother and sister and it just made me laugh to myself :) they are so grown up, and i could recognize little traits of myself in both of them, it actually made me proud. There growing up to be interesting characters hehe. Well that was the highlight of my day, quite a release from the past couple of days ive been having. I haven't been well, i feel sick on the outside, sick on the inside and everything hurts from day to day. Its unusual, ive always been a happy person. Ive just been emotionally drained lately. It hard to find the right words to express how im feeling without sounding like i want attention so i wont go on much. I just cant tell whats real anymore. I have never felt like this before, every day goes by and i feel drained like someone has me by the neck. Every time i try to pull myself together something drags me straight back down. i honestly do not know what to do anymore. Its not fair.

I have a gig this weekend and i cant wait then straight after i have schoolies for the week! im so excited, just to break free , be somewhere out of Sydney and just have some fun. Although i feel terrible that i have to miss my girlfriend Rebekahs Dance Concert :( I know it means alot to her and i have been looking forward to seeing my baby girl dance for so long! Ahh i feel like ive let her down :( i will make it upto her :)

So this is my first blog in a while and im going to try my best to keep on top and write every day. For now, im going to try and get some sleep, its 2am and im pretty exhausted.

x

Saturday 26th, September

Today was pretty swell. Woke up, went to school, bludged and came home excited that is was the weekend, well obviousley :P I found out not long after i got home that mates of my brothers were coming over for the footy, parra vs eels, so i decided to bring a few. I coulda sworn 50 people showed up haha. Food was good, we chilled and footy was pretty intense. Parra won of course, the game started off slow but finished crazy! During this time i downloaded and encoded district 9 cause unfortunately windows media player or any other so called media player could not play this video, so here we go.. sacrificed computer speed for a day :( Tomorrow i have a big day, i have to get up at 10, shower, eat and drive to Concord with my Dad to see Rebekah, its at least 30-45 minutes drive so it will give me some hours on my driving record. So im pretty much planning on getting there at about 11:30. Haven't spent time with her 1 on 1 in a while so im pretty excited to see her and her family and just catch up to everything on her end. So tomorrows going to be a good day :) My taste for house/electro music is dominating at the moment and to be completely honest i am drawing MAJORITY of my influences from it, kinda odd considering im in a heavy band :P So as a whole, things are going pretty great and im only hoping they stay this way! Oh and schools finishing next Wednesday! Thank God, i have no idea what the future holds for me but im motivated to find out!

For the record, for those who may or have been reading. i dont expect anyone to read this. I write this blog to get things off my chest and considering i use the computer 24/7 i figured i could use this as a diary sort of thing.

xo

BLONDE!

Disconnections

I wrote these lyrics a while ago when things weren't great, not finished but still in the process.

Inject me with the right directions towards the light
In misery I feed from the deprivation deep inside of me
I have come to realise that gods don’t have voices but people have choices
on account of this current state of mind, set with foundations of failure
i am breaking, struggling to find some stable ground
in despair, oceans rise and claim my will to survive

i have been treading water for many years, trying to keep my head up above the tides
trying to keep myself from falling under and I’m up to my neck in all this reputation
This bleak September has seen the last of me
why do people suddenly become so incomplete, its all too much to comprehend.

the view from the heavens doesn’t make it seem so complicated
am i meant to break, was i meant to break
well I’m breaking and it feels half right.
please send me on the path towards the light
if i needed anything from you,
it would be the guidance in the right directions, for my family

i hear the angels cast my name into the shadows and as i sing
the hand of death grasps me as fate welcomes my return,
in different worlds we reunite, I will return to you
i have torn myself apart and separated myself from you.
im alone i am ruined, please god release me..

Yr 12 Performance Night

Shredding out on my brothers
ugly guitar XD