Tuesday 18th August

Still failing to find interest or motivation in anything. After 3:00pm, i went straight to my music room and screamed about 4 sets of songs, after eating and watching from dusk till dawn, which didnt go down to well:S Ive lately noticed that screaming and singing whilst in a frustrated or depressed state no longer relieves me temporarily of the pain but contributes to it. I am left feeling like utter shit, my throat stinging from the ridiculous failed attempt of releasing stress and dissapointed in myself. I am fed up with everything! fucking sick and tired of feeling like this and not knowing why. I sat down and watched tv whilst msging a friend and eating an afternoon snack. I then decided to structure the lyrics i wrote to my next song, and put them to the song. Our next song is amazing, its heavy as anything, has sub drops, melodic lines and lyrics pretty much sum up my current feelings towards myself and my state of mind. Nothing this scene has ever fucking seen. Lyrics are on a more personal level, compared to our previous material which fed off the stereotypical subject of gore. Im over it! over music that sounds like absolute crap and means absolutely nothing. On the slightly brightER side, we got a gig on the 3rd of September at hype. We need a good crowd, but were NOT going to get one. I am laying here late at night knowing another night of restless sleep and discomfort is ahead. Fuck my life. Just another factor contributing to my current state of mind. Angry, stressed, depressed.